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+  Dherbs Forums+  General Discussion+  Dating someone with small children « previous next »
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Author Topic: Dating someone with small children  (Read 3232 times)
Minister8-Ball
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« Reply #15 on: December 19, 2009, 06:16 pm »

Sounds nice, but only works in Hollywood.

Too many "land mines". Been down that road and decided to blow up the bridge.

So Minister8, Im just curious, So what are people with small children supposed to do? Sit in a rocking chair and knit sweaters? Im just saying, you feel so strrongly against dating someone with small children to the point that it appears a bit CRUEL.  If you were single and had small children, would you just NOT date? Not want companionship? Elaborate please.............

What they do is not my concern. I'm speaking for myself. With the experiences I've had dating women with children, I'm not going down that road again. There were too many headaches and too much drama involving the child's father, the child and the woman I'm dating. I can be an outsider on my own. I don't need to be treated like one in a relationship...
« Last Edit: December 20, 2009, 03:15 pm by Minister8-Ball » Logged

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Yaa-Yaa
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« Reply #16 on: December 20, 2009, 07:54 am »

This is an extremely interesting thread! I am a single mother with 2 girls, 8 and 1 1/2. There are alot of guys who wouldnt date me just because of my blessings and I say thats fine.....It takes a very special man who will embrace me and my girls and trust me there are plenty out there who will! ;D
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« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2009, 08:31 am »

Question yaa yaa... is the man in the picture???
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MochaSun
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« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2009, 02:44 pm »

This is an extremely interesting thread! I am a single mother with 2 girls, 8 and 1 1/2. There are alot of guys who wouldnt date me just because of my blessings and I say thats fine.....It takes a very special man who will embrace me and my girls and trust me there are plenty out there who will! ;D
This is very interesting to me as well Yaa-Yaa, being that I am a single mother of 2 girls and a son.  I agree with you 100%.  If Im being past up because of the fact Im a mother, thats cool.  I was once married, things didnt work out, so as a result Im single.  I dont believe in remaining in an unfullfilling and abusive marriage/relationship for the sake of the children.  So whomever wants to judge me or consider me a "unworthy" because of that then the hell with em!  :D
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umilove
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« Reply #19 on: December 21, 2009, 10:31 am »

Peace and blessing yall :-)

Wondering on how some of you all's experiences have been with dating people that have small children?  Good, Bad, same?  Drama??
Currently I don't have any kids, but I met a really nice guy, but has two small children like 5 and 3.  Not sure how the children's mother will act.  But I'm the kind of person that stays far away from drama, so this will be a new experience for me in dating someone with children.  But I'm almost 30, and not looking to play around, looking for someone who could potentially be my husband. 

As far as dating someone with children you have to know what the relationship is with the children's mother.

Is she bitter they aren't together? Are they really good friends? Is she spiteful? Is she still "part of the family"? How long have they been apart?

In my opinion this makes a difference. You also need to know what type of father he is, because if he is a half ass daddy you may not want that either. Just because the man has kids doesn't mean that there will be drama, but if he is a really good father you have to understand that you will never be first in his life and you have to be okay with that.

As far as what Minister 8-Ball and Kimathi said I have much respect for what they say that type of stuff doesn't bother me at all, because I know if a man doesn't want to date a woman with kids then we won't even cross paths. Thats no different to me than a man who won't date me because I'm lightskin or because I am thick, he's not looking for me anyway.

In my situation my daughters father is not in the picture, so I don't have no drama from that end of it. But I totally understand someone not wanting to deal with people who have kids man or woman.

Myself personally, I would prefer a man with no kids or not to many kids. I don't like to date men with a lot of kids mothers and a lot of kids because that is to many personalities from the moms he is dealing with which can sometimes = Drama, been there and don't want to go back.

To the other single mothers, there are so many men out here who respect us as women and mothers that it doesn't matter to them when they are looking to know us. They already understand that our children are part of us and they know that going in. If we are being "passed up" then they can keep it moving because we are not what they want and it would probably be the same in return.

I respect everyones input when it comes to this situation because sometimes it can get limited when so many people have children and are single.

Do you and get to know the persons situation first with the kids before going in and getting to deep.
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Radiance
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« Reply #20 on: December 22, 2009, 10:00 am »

@UmiLove,

Good advice, thanks.  As we go I will get more answers.  It will be a lot to consider.  That part how you said  "I will never be first in his life", that statement doesn't stick well with me, although it very well may be true.  So I may need to look else well, we shall see.  For if I decide to marry a man with kids, I would hope it would be a Balanced relationship, therefore I would take on the step-mother role, but knowing me I would love the kids and treat them very well, just as if they were my own.  I don't want to keep hearing an excuse of my kids come first, because they will get older, and so when they are 23 years old, and he saying that mess, that will not fly.  I would think that phrase wouldn't even need to be said, for we would all be family at that point, and make decisions as a family. 
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