Am I selfish for NOT being a parent?

[Minister8-Ball]

This past Sunday, I was having a conversation with a young lady about parenthood. She asked me why I didn't have any children. I told her that there were things I didn't want to pass on to another generation and that I didn't think I was built for that mission. Plus, I'm not the kind to enter into that kind of arena haphazardly. She thought it was selfish of me to think that way and thought it would be a waste for me not to be a parent because of what I could teach a child.

Now, I'm 40, recently divorced with no children and no drama from my ex-spouse (she moved to another state). Personally, I don't think I'm being selfish about having reservations of being a parent. However, this isn't the first time I've been called selfish for making that decision. I've given it plenty of thought, and the Universe and ancestors haven't given me any signals to move in that direction.

What say the audience on this topic?

 

[JesusM9]

I don't think it's in every single person's journey to conceive a child on this earth, especially in the conditions that this earth is in at the present moment. I don't think it's selfish. In my opinion whoever thinks it is selfish are too stuck on the physical plane as there is much more to life then conceiving a child here on earth, life goes on.

[LovingLife]

It's that "crabs in a barrel, if your not like everyone else then something is wrong with you" type of mentality.

Not everything is for everybody.  In addition to being able to provide for and protect children, there is one other important qualification for the job.  In fact, it's the most important qualification: DESIRE to be a parent.  I don't care how much money a person has.  If they truly don't want children and have them anyway, those children will have a hard way to go.  The parent or parents will not have their hearts invested in the repsonsibility of child raising, and thus will not put the necessary importance on all relevant and necessary areas of child development.

In reality, THAT is selfish.

Free will all day, everyday.  I say you should be commended Minister8-Ball.  Both for having the insight to know yourself, and the courage to live and BE yourself.  If your not intuitively moved to have children, then play your position.

Shake the haters to the left, and keep on doing great things.

[Minister8-Ball]

The interesting part is that the sister will be 35 this year and is the single mother of four children, including a 4-year-old boy. She converted to Islam in 2006, yet doesn't subscribe to a number of tenets. I think it's more about her than me because she may not have had the choce to say if and when she would have children. Seeing someone have that chocie may make them feel trapped. She even told me that she was tired "of being strong", yet struggles with letting go of the reigns when a man comes into the picture.

I agree about the unconscious mind's role in producing children. It's even more dangerous than a gun. In Buddhism, the emphasis is on awareness and presence. One must be aware and presnt of what s/he is doing and the surrounding environment. When you are comatose, it's like being a zombie.

[360 overstand]

Its not selfish as a matter of  opinion it's very considerate. ...

I'm 27 and don't have, and do not want children.. At least not now. From observing my family and others... it looks like a nightmare to be honest. I don't give individuals that kind of discriminate attention to have children either..

As for her,She sounds like trouble to me ...4 children   yikes... its hard to resist those types though sometimes because they're usually "skilled".

and if shes concerned about what you can teach she should have asked you to be a mentor.. lol.

[SourceAura]

     You can also say people are selfish that have children- (those that attempt to live through their children,   young people who rebel and have children- people who are not in control of their own lives and have children to give them a sense of control  over something- etc.

 

It could be selfish, but that doesn't make it negative

[Zah]

I thought the day my children were born was the happiest day of my life, that is, until the day they turned 18. 

Strictly from a male perspective and for men (women, you can give their own perspective):

1. Don't have children if you haven't fulfilled your life's purpose.
2. Build your financial empire before you build a family.
2. Don't have children if you have to work a job to support them.
3. Don't have children if your nature is truly that of a loner.
4. Don't think that having children will fiill some void in you, it won't.

and most importantly,

DONT HAVE SEX IF YOU DON'T WANT CHILDREN!! 

[LovingLife]

I thought the day my children were born was the happiest day of my life, that is, until the day they turned 18. 

Strictly from a male perspective and for men (women, you can give their own perspective):

1. Don't have children if you haven't fulfilled your life's purpose.
2. Build your financial empire before you build a family.
2. Don't have children if you have to work a job to support them.
3. Don't have children if your nature is truly that of a loner.
4. Don't think that having children will fiill some void in you, it won't.

and most importantly,

DONT HAVE SEX IF YOU DON'T WANT CHILDREN!! 

Solid!!!  Especially #1.

[W1ze]

This past Sunday, I was having a conversation with a young lady about parenthood. She asked me why I didn't have any children. I told her that there were things I didn't want to pass on to another generation and that I didn't think I was built for that mission. Plus, I'm not the kind to enter into that kind of arena haphazardly. She thought it was selfish of me to think that way and thought it would be a waste for me not to be a parent because of what I could teach a child.

Now, I'm 40, recently divorced with no children and no drama from my ex-spouse (she moved to another state). Personally, I don't think I'm being selfish about having reservations of being a parent. However, this isn't the first time I've been called selfish for making that decision. I've given it plenty of thought, and the Universe and ancestors haven't given me any signals to move in that direction.

What say the audience on this topic?

I felt the exact same way you did about having children, but for me it was always put off for the distant future not completely of the table. I'm 29 and a new parent, and it is something one shouldn't enter into lightly. Parenthood has brought me immeasurable amounts of joy but that joy doesn't come with sacrifice and a lifelong commitment not only to your child but to the childs other parent as well, no matter how you slice the pie you will have to deal with that other mofo for a nice long time, so to answer your question no you're not being selfish, if more people thought like you maybe there wouldn't so many abortions and single parent households.........just my opinon

 

[Minister8-Ball]

I think what happens is that people who are empowered to make CONSCIOUS decisions intimidate most people and leave them in awe. Now that I can make decisions for myself, I refuse to surrender that power to others. The fact that I can CONSCIOUSLY choose whether or not to be a father is a proud moment for me. The fact that I haven't placed myself in situations regarding being a "sperm donor" allows me to focus on developing myself and evolving into who I desire to become as a man.

I see too many of my male contemporaries that have been spiritually broken by becoming parents haphazardly. They are now bitter, resentful and disillusioned because they cannot adequately provide for the child and continue to fight not only the mother, but also the court system. They forgot to develop themselves as men first. I am grateful that I don't have that level of stress in my life. At 40, I can be grateful for a lot of things. The most grateful is that I'm in a good place where I can choose what is for my highest and greatest good.

 

[MATHYOU]

word....theres PLENTY of fatherless and motherless children out there
so....yeah.....as long as one is teaching the youth its not selfish

but chyeah....personally om having 3 or foe babies

but now that eye have finally found that flowa pot to make those babies
with this minimalism shit(especially in regards to $$$$$$$)
that eye be on is gonna have to be
seriously de minimalized....yup....NO MORE making
just enough money to pay rent and eat....that shit
isn't gonna cut it no more.....

its kinda caught mah shelf off guard but om up to the challenge

[MATHYOU]

"DONT HAVE SEX IF YOU DON'T WANT CHILDREN!!"

the man COULD hold his cum....its not brain surgery

[Minister8-Ball]

Update:

After exploring the root cause of why I thought I didn't want children, this is what was revealed to me:

I realized that it was coming from a place of fear and self-doubt. I didn't want to repeat the cycle that I saw in my own childhood. I thought that by ignoring that aspect of my manhood, things would go away. Now that I'm awakening to my emotional health, I'm no longer opposed to being a parent. Whether it happens or not, I do know the parameters of how I want it to be. I want it to be within the parameters of a marriage.

I also want that child to know that s/he will always be appreciated and celebrated as opposed to tolerated.

The decision will be revealed to me through my spiritual evolution.

[W1ze]

"DONT HAVE SEX IF YOU DON'T WANT CHILDREN!!"

the man COULD hold his cum....its not brain surgery

After two babies in two summers I've started putting this into practice.........it's been an effective contraceptive so far..........

[Minister8-Ball]

Two babies in two summers? I guess you were really spreading love like creamy peanut butter......