Is Monogamy Realistic?

[Djehuty-M]

by Harriet Hairston

I read a recent article on CNN.com that made my blood boil.  I couldn’t even think of a better title than the one they provided in their “Mate Debate” section.  The question seems like a no brainer to someone in my position:  happily married with children.  But apparently, it is an issue with many couples–both married and single–today.

Below you will find some quotables from the original article:

“It’s realistic that some people can mate for life in the same sense that some people can play the Beethoven violin concerto or other people can ice-skate beautifully or learn a new language,” said psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton.

Added evolutionary biologist David Barash, “It’s within the realm of human potential, but it’s not easy.”
French author Jacques Attali in recent years wrote, “Monogamy, which is really no more than a useful social convention, will not survive. It has rarely been honored in practice; soon, it will vanish even as an ideal.”

Wow.  I’m glad ”cultural evolution” is not the driving factor behind my marriage and the values I hold dear.  Perhaps I’m selfish for wanting to be my husband’s and for him to be mine alone.  If that’s the case, so be it.  I’ll be that.  In light of the fact that families in this country are suffering and falling apart at such an alarming rate, it’s no wonder questions like this can arise.  Maybe I’m in a bubble…perhaps my personal viewpoints are culturally obsolete.  I don’t know.

But what say you, BMWK?  IS monogamy realistic?  If you are in a monogamous relationship, how do you maintain your fidelity to your spouse/significant other?  What circumstances–if any–justify the introduction of another person into a monogamous relationship?  Do you think monogamy is doomed to “vanish even as an ideal?”

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?” has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons.  You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

[Minister8-Ball]

In Napoleon Hill's THINK & GROW RICH, he states that men are polygamous by nature. Check the chapter dealing with sexual transmutation.

I think the issue with monogamy is that it is an imposed cultural norm. When the issue of polygamy is raised, no one wants to hear it. Yet, they will tolerate promiscuity to no end.

The late imam Ahmed Deedat addressed a Canadian feminist about this subject. He stated that even with all men being available for marriage, there will be a minimum of 2,000,000 women without a mate in the Western world. How does monogamy resolve such a gap? Can it resolve such a gap?

Monogamy (in its present form) is really for culturally and emotionally immature people. I see polygamy as something more advanced and for those who are more emotionally and culturally mature. I'm not saying that all men should engage in polygamy, because the burden of responsibility is intensified. I'm saying that people have to become pragmatic and look at the real reasons for marriage in the first place.

[Ezkeel]

Labels destroy relationships.

[W1ze]

People who practice polyamory are realists but naive at the same time, it's realistic to believe that your partner will cheat menttally, emotionally or out right physically but I know at the  end of the day someone is left feeling slighted. Culturally it seems that polyamory is the way things are going, at least it's honest if nothing else.

[360 overstand]

Labels destroy relationships.

^truth


I rather just be together in love. The whole mentality changes after two are legally married.

[MATHYOU]

putting sugar on shit....
the shit is being a SWINGER(having multiple sex partners)
the sugar is the word polygamy followed by a bunch
of other sugary words to make it sound nice

modern humans are too degenerate to practice polygamy
the entire planet is TRYING to practice polygamy
and all its doing is creating hell

personally eye think if you a "Light worker" and you wanna
practice polygamy thats fine eye guess....but keep that
shit to yourself.....you being a "light worker" MIGHT
allow you to practice polygamy and not have it
turn into a full blown hell....but 4 most people
polygamy turns into hell and the sad part is when
children have to suffer as a result of it
basically advocating polygamy to a bunch of people
who can't handle it is irresponsible
when you are dealing with dumbed down people you
gotta be very carefull what words you use
in the Wisdom Cipher degree of the 1-40's it says
"the civilized person is held responsible for the uncivilized "

this is why eye enjoy pure pimpology
because if you don't wanna be classified as a TRICK it forces
you to make certain choices
basically in the pimp world
if you have sex with
multiple sex partners and they ain't hoe-ing for you
and giving you the money then you a God dammed trick

and eye don't wanna be known as a trick in any cipher

pimpology forces one to stop thinking with their dick
it forces the student of pimpology to make a choice





 

[alchemical ether]

monogomy for women is realistic but for men i dont know.

[Rae of Light]

You can do anything you put your mind to! I was avoiding responding to this topic but...

I think in this current society and circumstance monogamy is almost necessary. There are too many unconcious, unhealth and unstable people. It is a challenge to find one conscious person that you resonate with.. If you are able to find mulitiple, much power to ya!

As far as men not being monagomous.. most men can barely provide for one woman/family, let alone please a one woman sexually.

I choose monogamy because I don't have the energy to be connecting with more than one person at a time. and when I began havin sex again I want it when I want it and I dont wanna have to wait around cuz "he" is sexin other women.. Imma cancer, dont care to share 

[UmiLove]

monogamy for women is realistic but for men i dont know.

It sure seems that way sometime lol.

Monagamy can definitely be realistic when your partner is someone you want to be that way with, man or woman. If a person holds your interests on all levels, sexually, spiritually, mentally etc. then you should be fulfilled with that person.

[UmiLove]

You can do anything you put your mind to! I was avoiding responding to this topic but...

I think in this current society and circumstance monogamy is almost necessary. There are too many unconcious, unhealth and unstable people. It is a challenge to find one conscious person that you resonate with.. If you are able to find mulitiple, much power to ya!

As far as men not being monagomous.. most men can barely provide for one woman/family, let alone please a one woman sexually.

I choose monogamy because I don't have the energy to be connecting with more than one person at a time. and when I began havin sex again I want it when I want it and I dont wanna have to wait around cuz "he" is sexin other women.. Imma cancer, dont care to share 

I agree with that Rae, putting your energy into more than one person is draining. I have male friends who deal with all these different women and still trying to get at other women and I feel sorry for them. Thats too many emotions to have to deal with for me.

[360 overstand]

I agree with rae and umilove

I might be able to be polyorious but my moon in cancer and venus in scorpio is against that idea pretty much against that

[Lady Ashayt]

How are we defining monogamy?  A sexual relationship between two people?  I ask because some people believe that if you've ever had more than one sex partner (not at the same time), then you are practicing serial monogamy, which they argue is not living a true monogamous lifestyle.

monogomy for women is realistic but for men i dont know.

But wouldn't it need to be realistic for both a man and woman for it to be truly realistic for a heterosexual couple?

You can do anything you put your mind to! I was avoiding responding to this topic but...

I think in this current society and circumstance monogamy is almost necessary. There are too many unconcious, unhealth and unstable people. It is a challenge to find one conscious person that you resonate with.. If you are able to find mulitiple, much power to ya!

As far as men not being monagomous.. most men can barely provide for one woman/family, let alone please a one woman sexually.

I choose monogamy because I don't have the energy to be connecting with more than one person at a time. and when I began havin sex again I want it when I want it and I dont wanna have to wait around cuz "he" is sexin other women.. Imma cancer, dont care to share 

I agree, if a man could truly support (monetarily, emotionally, sexually) and provide for more than one partner/family good for him.  But as much energy and time as I usually put into one man, I can't imagine giving this much of my attention to two men AND staying sane. It has always been interesting to me that men want to share themselves with the world, but get angry when thinking about women doing the same.

Sometimes I think about how it would be "easier" to live communally due to the help with children and other duties, but when it comes down to sharing a man that expects me to always be available for him (and only him) when he needs/wants me...no thank you.

I often remind myself, everything is not for everyone, to each their own. Then again I also remind myself that, while everything is possible, not everything is beneficial.

[UmiLove]

I agree, if a man could truly support (monetarily, emotionally, sexually) and provide for more than one partner/family good for him.  But as much energy and time as I usually put into one man, I can't imagine giving this much of my attention to two men AND staying sane. It has always been interesting to me that men want to share themselves with the world, but get angry when thinking about women doing the same.
Sometimes I think about how it would be "easier" to live communally due to the help with children and other duties, but when it comes down to sharing a man that expects me to always be available for him (and only him) when he needs/wants me...no thank you.

I often remind myself, everything is not for everyone, to each their own. Then again I also remind myself that, while everything is possible, not everything is beneficial.

I know!! I always find that interesting too, if he can do it then I should be able to as well.

I agree with what you said Lady Ashayt very well put