I'm In Pain..

[2BHealthee]

I am up at 4:07 am EST due to the fact that I am hurting on the inside.  A month ago I was told that I have HSV 2 and after scanning my memory bank of when I experienced my first outbreak (mistook it for acne on the buttocks) I realized that I may have gotten it from someone whom I like.  Well this person had always stated that they didn't have time for themselves let alone anyone else but I pursued him anyway (I know big mistake on my part).  Eventually it I caught feelings and was always wondering why what was I not doing to get this man to notice me and my potentials.  This led on for about 1.5yrs until last May 08 I called him to just see how he was doing and as always I asked him is he busy?  His reply was yes and then I asked if he can call me back, he blantetly said "No" and something told me not to challange him on that based on his tone of voice.  So of course this hurt my feelings because I'm wondering was he around a woman and there was no need to be rude towards me so I made myself not to ever call him again. Oh shortly before that I did speak to him and he stated that he is still busy, etc.

Well this past November I went to my GYN for my yearly checkup and I was told that I have HSV 2 in which I was floored.  I contacted the guy I chased for 1.5yrs and he tells me that he is now married??  I'm like "What"?  I thought you didn't have time for yourself, etc.  He didn't feel compelled to get into with me basically told me he's married now and that was my cue not to contact him again.

In the meanwhile I meet someone else who expressed that he did like me and we were intimate and yes condoms were always used but my doctor insist that I tell him because he still had contact with me (the new guy).  So I did told the new guy (mind you I was crying because having HSV 2 according to Western medicine there is no way of eradicating this disease.  So the new guy asked questions and I told him to get tested and call me back, well the point is that the new guy is not answering any of my phone calls , returning any voice or text messages.  I feel really alone because it's the holiday and I am not in a relationship with anyone and  I can't talk to anyone about the way I'm feeling so now my mind is all over the place.  Meaning the guy whom I felt gave me HSV has moved on with his life and here I am crying and feeling horrible while this man focusing on his life with his new wife yet my life is on stand still because of HSV and the new guy I may have had a chance with doesn't want to be bothered so again I'm suffering silently.  I thought that being honest was the way to go but instead I feel like I'm being punished twice.   BTW I will be starting the FBD in Jan 2009 immediatley folloiwng the anti-viral kit in which I'm looking forward but in the meanwhile I am a wreck mentally.  Any suggestions and/or uplifting words are encourage.   Sorry for the long post.  I am in need of a hug 8-)

2BHealthee

[zoe08]

First listen to your user name 2BeHealthy...continue to claim that for your life!!!  Forgive yourself, the person you contracted HSV2 from and then continue to ask your higher power for forgiveness...I believe that's the key to opening the door for forgiveness.  You said that you dated a person that had "no time" for you, but he had time to sleep with you...Take the time to really evaluate the choices that you have made and the message that is trying to be conveyed...I understand when you say that you recently met someone that you really like...but right now YOU are more important than him....life is full of seasons, take this season to ask God to show you how to love yourself and how to be loved by others, allow your expectations to be raised as to how you view yourself and what you expect from others (potential mates)....you should be valued, appreciated and respected!!!  This is something that you have already overcome....speak of this situation and HSV2 as past tense....because that's what it is!!!!!  Don't think you've lost ANYTHING...b/c theres something/someone soooo much better for you!!!  You said you need a hug...well I'm in Va so I can't hug you....but hug yourself...by forgiving yourself and moving forward in an positive direction!!!!  As you start your detoxes, change your mindset view yourself as the person of value that you are....read spiritual self-help books, meditate, don't engage in degrading activities and listen to vulgar types of music....stay very focused on the positive gaols that you have....loneliness is a choice, choose to be happy...fill empty places with positive outlets like going to get a massage, taking yoga classes, volunteering to help others....fill your life with positive activities so that you will reap a "positive" harvest!!!! 

Love,
Zoe08

[ThatGirl]

First listen to your user name 2BeHealthy...continue to claim that for your life!!!  Forgive yourself, the person you contracted HSV2 from and then continue to ask your higher power for forgiveness...I believe that's the key to opening the door for forgiveness.  You said that you dated a person that had "no time" for you, but he had time to sleep with you...Take the time to really evaluate the choices that you have made and the message that is trying to be conveyed...I understand when you say that you recently met someone that you really like...but right now YOU are more important than him....life is full of seasons, take this season to ask God to show you how to love yourself and how to be loved by others, allow your expectations to be raised as to how you view yourself and what you expect from others (potential mates)....you should be valued, appreciated and respected!!!  This is something that you have already overcome....speak of this situation and HSV2 as past tense....because that's what it is!!!!!  Don't think you've lost ANYTHING...b/c theres something/someone soooo much better for you!!!  You said you need a hug...well I'm in Va so I can't hug you....but hug yourself...by forgiving yourself and moving forward in an positive direction!!!!  As you start your detoxes, change your mindset view yourself as the person of value that you are....read spiritual self-help books, meditate, don't engage in degrading activities and listen to vulgar types of music....stay very focused on the positive gaols that you have....loneliness is a choice, choose to be happy...fill empty places with positive outlets like going to get a massage, taking yoga classes, volunteering to help others....fill your life with positive activities so that you will reap a "positive" harvest!!!! 

Love,
Zoe08

This is very much on point.

[enlightenmeplz]

Consider this a virtual hug... You are never alone because we are all connected. Fill your heart with love for yourself because disease and healing starts in your mind. I know you are probably saying it is easier said than done but it is true. My life has had challenges as a matter of fact I am still dealing with some of them. What helps me when I am in a "emotional bind" I think of myself in my true state. We are all being of energy and when you put out frequencies (positive or negative) they are going to attract to you. Our body talks to us in metaphors I am not 100% percent sure but I think that HSV2 means that you wanted to be seen, apart of something, loved. There is nothing wrong with wanting those things especially love. But that person you seek  for those things appeared to never return it back to you and you body reacted to that. Also you got some of his negative energy with the intercourse and they manifested in you. You have to forgive everyone (him, yourself, and your current friend). Truly forgive. See yourself healthy, feel yourself happy, experience the love with yourself. Put it in your mind that you can overcome anything nothing is too great. It is so much better when you are cleared of all the guilty, shame, and fear. Especially fear as it is the opposite of love and it can take you to a very dark place. You learn from mistakes that you make. Your feelings are a indication are where you at in that moment. Your feelings are not who you are so do not confuse yourself with how you feel.  Hang around positive people if you can. Read about harmonious things, Listen to inspirational music. Study more about your disease in a metaphysical way... Dherbs have some wonderful articles. Most of all stay positive. I hope my message make sense to you and you are able to receive it. Sent with love. 

[LovingLife]

Greetings Sis. 2BHealthee,

The wise words and encouragement from both zoe08 and enlightenmeplz are absolutely right.  If you heed them, you'll find yourself in a much heathier and happier place than where you are currently.

I would only add a few of things.  Firstly, the real YOU (your Divine Inner Being) is MUCH GREATER than what you have gone through.  In other words, you are NOT your experiences.  Your experiences are nothing more than lessons for you to learn and add to your knowledge and consciousness.  This one experience DOES NOT define what and who you are.  Your Inner Being defines who you are.  Your Inner Being is a place of Love, Beauty, Divinity, Higher Life Purpose, Pure Knowledge, Bliss, Joy, and Unboundedness.  Use this experience as a start to GO WITHIN and know yourself more intimately.  Discover the ESSENCE of what you want in life and work to create that in every moment of every day (whether you have a steady person in your life or not).

Secondly, DO NOT JUDGE yourself to be "wrong" for what occured.  Don't look at this as a right or wrong issue; because there is no such thing as right or wrong.  And don't allow anyone else to tell you that you were "wrong".  The only thing that is real is experiences and the results from said experiences.  With that said, release the feelings of shame, guilt, loneliness.  As zoe08 and enlightenmeplz said, it is extremely important that you begin to bring some positivity to your mind and spirit.  If you haven't done this yet, START RIGHT NOW.  Don't wait another minute.

Lastly BREATHE, then SMILE!!!    Sister you got this!!!  If you maintain the right frame of mind, all of this will add to you and make you stronger and wiser.  At the appropriate point in your journey, you will have a suitable mate for you.  For now though, do the internal work to prepare yourself for that point as well as an abundant future (if you choose).

I'm sending you thoughts of positivity, comfort, love, and wisdom.  I hope that something in my words was of help.

Peace, Love, and Blessings to you,

LovingLife, everyday!!!   

[Michel]

I'll pretty much co sign everyone who contributed in this thread.  Everybody was on point and I think everything I would've added has been said already.  All I can say is blessings be upon you and your journey to homeostasis.(holistically)

[zoe08]

Hello 2BeHealthee....just checking on you!!!!  Let us know how you're doing!!!

Love
Zoe08

[2BHealthee]

To Zoe08, LivingLife, enlightenmeplz,  ThatGirl and Coolbgdog1

Thanks for the words of encouragement!!  Gheesh I was really going through something when I posted this at 4:30am, this was on my mind heavy.  I'm dealing with it so I can move on with my life.  I'm looking forward to starting the FBD this upcoming Thursday also I went to church this past Sunday and Bible study tonight.  Yes I still do think about the situation but I will overcome thanks to everyone's concern and support.  AGain thanks.  I will use everyone's reponse as a refresher whenever I start to feel down.  AGain thanks and thanks for the virtual hugs, the words of encouragement and virtual hugs came in handy.  IT's nice to know that there are people who really care for one another.  LUV YOU ALL 

[Djehuty]

Your thoughts create your reality!

What do you desire?

Do your thoughts harmonize with that desire or those desires?

Focus on your desire and then think on your desires. Fantasize about them. Imagine them! Visualize them! Act them out in your mind continuously. Your mind is your HIDDEN stage. You can act out anything. There's no one there to judge you. This is an act that you put on for yourself!

Enjoy!!!!

[zoe08]

That's wonderful advice D!!!  2BeHealthy a lot of times it is our minds (mindsets) that bring into existence certain situations and it takes our minds (mindset) to get us out of it!!!!  Sounds like you're headed down the right path!!!  Like D stated.....visualize what you want....a healthy marriage/relationship, children, total healing (mind, soul and body), etc.

Love
Zoe08